My brother was my hero:
He would tell me stories about his time playing in bands and how it felt great when the people in the crowd would start dancing. It was a sign you had won them over and the night is going to go well. My band, “Alias Smith and Jones,” played a gig the other night and when some couples started to dance to what we were playing, I felt my brother strongly. So strong, I barely kept it together.
My brother passed away almost two years ago and he was my inspiration for playing the guitar. I remember watching him go to gigs, loading his gear all dressed up (this was the 80’s mind you. It’s not a coincidence that I wanted to do the same. Took me a little bit longer get on stage but when I did, he was my biggest fan. I would call him after every gig and we would talk about it and dissect it like a professional football player goes over game tape. We now had this in common and it was no longer him telling me stories but us both going back and forth. I relished having those conversations with him. Now that has been taken away from me and I struggle coping with his death.
Healing since my brothers death
The conversations still occur but now it’s a one way deal, but I talk with him everyday. I swear I could feel him last night and for a brief instance we were sharing that moment when the couples were dancing. Like I said, it took everything I had to not break down but once i composed myself, I smiled and relished in the time we had to talk about playing guitar and being in a band. Life will never be the same and I’m not sure how to heal or how to cope but I will. Billy Bob Thornton said it best when he said that you never really get over a siblings death, your “half happy and half sad” at anytime. But a he said, if that’s the burden of honoring him, I gladly take it. on.
My brother was and always will be my inspiration and everytime I see someone dance to live music, I think of him; Love my big brother and I’m grateful he got to see me play and I miss him dearly.
